Monday, September 19, 2005
caution : not worth reading ...
I have decided to write again , Yes there was a pause if you haven't noticed yet , i was almost sure a few days ago that i 'll never write again , then i thought about a long break a really long break , but now here i am once again fighting with my eight fingers and two thumbs ,hitting hard on keyboard trying to come up with something something good and refreshing unlike my earlier posts all heavy and crap , but i cant kill my soul just for blog-sake , i have already done it many times the black cloud is disappearing , thanks to the heavy rain which made me walk 9 km in dark rainy night , but it also provides the oppurtunity of a long awaiting rendezvous with the self part of myself , it was 12 in the midnight i was walking alone thinking about every thing i could possibly think of , there was the time , there will be the time , is that all i wanted from this life , will i be able to get this , its going to be a failure , its all faith , god is behind every scene i witnessed , no the karma is one i should think about ....and here i missed a bus which could have ease my porblem a little bit , but doesnt matter "kya 6 aur kya 9 km" .... and then it begin again ....there were a lots of if and why ...it was like finding a new me full with if and why's , i was repenting for everything i couldn't get ... than again i was scoulding myself for repenting than comes the karma part .... and soon i realize my true potential ... it jalebi making ...i always do this to myself whenever i am stuck , i made chutia out of me ... i know the art how to fool yourself , how to confuse your self ... this karma and god are nothing but two major excuse classes i have been using since i was a child whenever i want to feel great i manuplate myself by thinking about society and its welfare ground reality is zero ..' not a single work on which i can feel proud ' no problem, i convinced myself that thinking about somethign is more important than doing it actually ...so all i do is just thinking and self conversation ... and i use it as a weapon , a weapon against myself ...." a stray dog sudddenly drag all my attention .. "dog bite hurts " ...i tried to act like hey u are just a dog , but inside i was feeling like standing in front of a lion in some sahara jungle...khair nothing happens .. and yes i was coming to the conclusion ... either i am smart .. i can make fool of anyone , or i am a dumb "jiska koi bhee kaat sakta hai" but whatever it is , this game ....is crossing all the limits ... even right now what i doing .. i am trying to feel great by saying all this , and on otherhand i am telling you about telling you to feel modest .
but one thing is sure ... there something is wrong .... somethign is really messy ... right now i can not find it ... but i am atleast sure about one thing " not to trust myself ... neither me nor myself are trustable ..both of them are juggler of the word they never mean anything ... and here is my problem i am not even sure about this sure fact , as it might be just another trick of this 'me'.....
run , as fast as you can ,
go , as far as you can ,
dig deep ...deeper ...
until you find a place to hide ...
cant find a place to hide ,
wanna change this whole life
a new start wiil be good enough
to take me high in the sky....
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Thursday, September 08, 2005
Monday, September 05, 2005
You are free ?
There are many things in this life we want to know about but sometimes we just feels like a ‘kathputli’ … I don’t know how much you feel the strings around you .. But one thing is sure that there isn’t much space available for free movement. I always felt that suffocation and limit ness is trying to go over me again and again …but I am not that easily defeat able I am the survivor I know where the horizon is, I know where the limit lies, yes it is very close and the movement is restricted but there is a way ..We just need to find it and follow it …….
Thursday, September 01, 2005
Why we blog??? Do you have an answer if yes please convey it to me because i really dont know ..... The mall , DT city center , if you want to know what it is just ask a bachelor like me , and what i did today just refuses The DT , can you imagine for what .....just to write this blog .. what i want to achieve from this firstname.lastname@example.org ....this is certainly not a diary , diaries are personal and private , diary is like a repository where you can store all your memories , sorry not all , it's a place where you can kept all your sorted selected memories . This blogging is getting bigger and bigger and if you want to measure it just go to zxcv-blog.blogspot.com then go to comments and check RAT ....yes its a blogger , infact they are The Bloggers .....they are like a community with surname blogger ... every one of them is having around 800 to 900 posts ...And here i am , questioning this whole concept ...in my fifth blog ... i can understand why "youthcurry" but why d-verma ? I think i have an answer , but it's just too person specific and i cant generalise it , in my case i think there is an eternal desire to be a writer , and i just dont qualifies . so here i am writing this blog for that " writer deepak " , i know i can kill him but i just want to keep him alive again dont know why? Enough ...no more why? i think they should modify OXFORD and include this why under the synonym of infinity.. this is really endless ....and a good excuse for not doing something ...but you know as a blogger what i like the most "comments" they are like chicken soup for blogger .. he started his blog just for writing and then ...these comments ...yeh i got a reader .. i should write another one for him ... i think i have got my answer ...have you got yor answer " why you blog"