Monday, September 19, 2005

What next --
caution : not worth reading ...

I have decided to write again , Yes there was a pause if you haven't noticed yet , i was almost sure a few days ago that i 'll never write again , then i thought about a long break a really long break , but now here i am once again fighting with my eight fingers and two thumbs ,hitting hard on keyboard trying to come up with something something good and refreshing unlike my earlier posts all heavy and crap , but i cant kill my soul just for blog-sake , i have already done it many times the black cloud is disappearing , thanks to the heavy rain which made me walk 9 km in dark rainy night , but it also provides the oppurtunity of a long awaiting rendezvous with the self part of myself , it was 12 in the midnight i was walking alone thinking about every thing i could possibly think of , there was the time , there will be the time , is that all i wanted from this life , will i be able to get this , its going to be a failure , its all faith , god is behind every scene i witnessed , no the karma is one i should think about ....and here i missed a bus which could have ease my porblem a little bit , but doesnt matter "kya 6 aur kya 9 km" .... and then it begin again ....there were a lots of if and why ...it was like finding a new me full with if and why's , i was repenting for everything i couldn't get ... than again i was scoulding myself for repenting than comes the karma part .... and soon i realize my true potential ... it jalebi making ...i always do this to myself whenever i am stuck , i made chutia out of me ... i know the art how to fool yourself , how to confuse your self ... this karma and god are nothing but two major excuse classes i have been using since i was a child whenever i want to feel great i manuplate myself by thinking about society and its welfare ground reality is zero ..' not a single work on which i can feel proud ' no problem, i convinced myself that thinking about somethign is more important than doing it actually ...so all i do is just thinking and self conversation ... and i use it as a weapon , a weapon against myself ...." a stray dog sudddenly drag all my attention .. "dog bite hurts " ...i tried to act like hey u are just a dog , but inside i was feeling like standing in front of a lion in some sahara jungle...khair nothing happens .. and yes i was coming to the conclusion ... either i am smart .. i can make fool of anyone , or i am a dumb "jiska koi bhee kaat sakta hai" but whatever it is , this game ....is crossing all the limits ... even right now what i doing .. i am trying to feel great by saying all this , and on otherhand i am telling you about telling you to feel modest .
but one thing is sure ... there something is wrong .... somethign is really messy ... right now i can not find it ... but i am atleast sure about one thing " not to trust myself ... neither me nor myself are trustable ..both of them are juggler of the word they never mean anything ... and here is my problem i am not even sure about this sure fact , as it might be just another trick of this 'me'.....

run , as fast as you can ,
go , as far as you can ,
dig deep ...deeper ...
until you find a place to hide ...

cant find a place to hide ,
wanna change this whole life
a new start wiil be good enough
to take me high in the sky....

15 comments:

SKS said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
SKS said...

tera yeh post padhke realise hua ki life kitni messy ho saktee hai, agar jyada socho toh :)
chillax.
ur writings are for a few generations ahead. when wud the present population, including me, be able to comprehend ur seemingly great piece of work. God, gimme the strength and capability to understand this man's wise sayings.
amen.

sandeep said...

poora tangent nikal gayaa

I_Stand_Alone said...

this was god giri buddhe....u've defeated yourself or won over yourself....whichever way u see...abe this is a great piece ...but a little too direct...try your puraana andaaz..like that one ..woh samandar waala...with tat boy character...but keep up the gud work..phod diya bhai..too true to be called real...

suvro said...

Abbe why is there always a deleted comment after each of your posts???
Anywayz...another cryptic piece...yaar tu doosri hi level pe sochta hai...tu to bina gaanja mare out rehta hai...the best thing about your writing is the incoherent rambling which symbolises your thought process...our lives are also as disordered but we cannot express that disorder as fluently and effortlessly as you do...your blogs signify the eternal chaos raging in our minds...whether it is me or the environment which is capable of changing things around us...are my successes/failures my credit/fault or does it arise due to the situation???

zxcv said...

the more i think abt it the more it amazes me, how can one change from being the most chutiya person to the most serious person and back in a jiffy.
tere lekh mere samajhne ke liye bane to nahi phir bhi try marta rehta hun, haan lkain padh kar aisa jaroor lagta hai ki mast likha hai

Anonymous said...

.

Arvind Iyer said...

wow...you too ?
padhoonga...
disconnect kar ke.
Yes Its me.
IYER...not AIYYAR

zxcv said...

buddhe saale kitna kaam karega? kuch likh main comment karne ke liye betab ho raha hun

Arvind Iyer said...

You have been tagged!
(check my blog for details :)

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
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