Monday, November 28, 2005

Take me down to the paradise city .......

They are coming ...every one is getting infected even the presumably most healthy and immune one found infected .. now there are only few left and i am luckily one them ...not sure how long i can avoid this....four of my very close are gone .. they are severly infected there is no chance for them atleast , another one is playing with the limits ...even though he is a big time survivor but now i think his time is close ,
Is there a place to hide or I am safe , do i need to run fast and faster so that i can stay away from this disatrous disaster or I am safe...

when i see ...
when i see ...through ...
when i see into hospital ...
i found you giggling ...
you look happy ..
but you must be feeling down ..
you are hiding your pain...
i know you need sympathy...
you need my help ...
but this disease seems infectious ..
and i dont want to fall ..
fall into illness..
get down with the deasease...
i am happy outside.. ..
am i?

Monday, September 19, 2005

What next --
caution : not worth reading ...

I have decided to write again , Yes there was a pause if you haven't noticed yet , i was almost sure a few days ago that i 'll never write again , then i thought about a long break a really long break , but now here i am once again fighting with my eight fingers and two thumbs ,hitting hard on keyboard trying to come up with something something good and refreshing unlike my earlier posts all heavy and crap , but i cant kill my soul just for blog-sake , i have already done it many times the black cloud is disappearing , thanks to the heavy rain which made me walk 9 km in dark rainy night , but it also provides the oppurtunity of a long awaiting rendezvous with the self part of myself , it was 12 in the midnight i was walking alone thinking about every thing i could possibly think of , there was the time , there will be the time , is that all i wanted from this life , will i be able to get this , its going to be a failure , its all faith , god is behind every scene i witnessed , no the karma is one i should think about ....and here i missed a bus which could have ease my porblem a little bit , but doesnt matter "kya 6 aur kya 9 km" .... and then it begin again ....there were a lots of if and why was like finding a new me full with if and why's , i was repenting for everything i couldn't get ... than again i was scoulding myself for repenting than comes the karma part .... and soon i realize my true potential ... it jalebi making ...i always do this to myself whenever i am stuck , i made chutia out of me ... i know the art how to fool yourself , how to confuse your self ... this karma and god are nothing but two major excuse classes i have been using since i was a child whenever i want to feel great i manuplate myself by thinking about society and its welfare ground reality is zero ..' not a single work on which i can feel proud ' no problem, i convinced myself that thinking about somethign is more important than doing it actually all i do is just thinking and self conversation ... and i use it as a weapon , a weapon against myself ...." a stray dog sudddenly drag all my attention .. "dog bite hurts " ...i tried to act like hey u are just a dog , but inside i was feeling like standing in front of a lion in some sahara jungle...khair nothing happens .. and yes i was coming to the conclusion ... either i am smart .. i can make fool of anyone , or i am a dumb "jiska koi bhee kaat sakta hai" but whatever it is , this game crossing all the limits ... even right now what i doing .. i am trying to feel great by saying all this , and on otherhand i am telling you about telling you to feel modest .
but one thing is sure ... there something is wrong .... somethign is really messy ... right now i can not find it ... but i am atleast sure about one thing " not to trust myself ... neither me nor myself are trustable ..both of them are juggler of the word they never mean anything ... and here is my problem i am not even sure about this sure fact , as it might be just another trick of this 'me'.....

run , as fast as you can ,
go , as far as you can ,
dig deep ...deeper ...
until you find a place to hide ...

cant find a place to hide ,
wanna change this whole life
a new start wiil be good enough
to take me high in the sky....

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

"toilet ....caution"
today i read something really funny on toilet shower you use to wash after you are through .....
it says .....

"caution --
do not wash with acid or detergent
use normal water
to clean yout fittings ...."

Thursday, September 08, 2005

बिन कहे चले जाते है जो
कभी बाद में याद आते हैं वो
दर्द की आवाज नहीं होती
वर्ना वापिस चले आते वो


कहता है दिल आज ये
काश ये काश ना होता
जो भी मांगा था जीवन से
काश वो मेरा अपना होता
दूर कहीँ चला गया वो
लेकर सपनो की बारात
कह रही है रात अब
होगी सुबह मुलाकात

Monday, September 05, 2005

You are free ?

There are many things in this life we want to know about but sometimes we just feels like a ‘kathputli’ … I don’t know how much you feel the strings around you .. But one thing is sure that there isn’t much space available for free movement. I always felt that suffocation and limit ness is trying to go over me again and again …but I am not that easily defeat able I am the survivor I know where the horizon is, I know where the limit lies, yes it is very close and the movement is restricted but there is a way ..We just need to find it and follow it …….

Thursday, September 01, 2005

A bloggers pride ....

Why we blog??? Do you have an answer if yes please convey it to me because i really dont know ..... The mall , DT city center , if you want to know what it is just ask a bachelor like me , and what i did today just refuses The DT , can you imagine for what .....just to write this blog .. what i want to achieve from this ....this is certainly not a diary , diaries are personal and private , diary is like a repository where you can store all your memories , sorry not all , it's a place where you can kept all your sorted selected memories . This blogging is getting bigger and bigger and if you want to measure it just go to then go to comments and check RAT ....yes its a blogger , infact they are The Bloggers .....they are like a community with surname blogger ... every one of them is having around 800 to 900 posts ...And here i am , questioning this whole concept my fifth blog ... i can understand why "youthcurry" but why d-verma ? I think i have an answer , but it's just too person specific and i cant generalise it , in my case i think there is an eternal desire to be a writer , and i just dont qualifies . so here i am writing this blog for that " writer deepak " , i know i can kill him but i just want to keep him alive again dont know why? Enough more why? i think they should modify OXFORD and include this why under the synonym of infinity.. this is really endless ....and a good excuse for not doing something ...but you know as a blogger what i like the most "comments" they are like chicken soup for blogger .. he started his blog just for writing and then ...these comments ...yeh i got a reader .. i should write another one for him ... i think i have got my answer ...have you got yor answer " why you blog"

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Just after a movie
It's all happened just after the movie , i was all stoned my senses were aching like they just going to die aur they just coming out from effect of anesthesia , why we go for this type of movies . Aren't movies just meant for pure intertainment , like no-entry you go inside take a healthy laughter session ( caution in case of no entry their can be severe complexities due to excessive laugh) . Than why swadesh , and today this flick mangal pandey , why these filmmakers are doing these types of crime by making such heavy movies , yes you are thinking rigth their are even more heavier movies like arth, aur mirch masala ,another one in which depti naval is being sold many times .....bottom line is why this heavy cinema , why sensitive and sensible movie when all we want is just the fun , thats why i spend my 150 / - to get entertainment , isn't this entertainment only aim of our life , for example .. i decided to come to gurgaon because i want fun , you decided other cities because you want fun , sometime money can play more superior role but again we want money so that we can enjoy this life better later . my mother always used to say " kutta bhee apni jagah ko poonch se saaf karke baithta hai " although it meant different thing that time ( those of you have seen my room can guess easily ) why cant we do it , confused .. ok i promised my friends to not to be cryptic , so here it is in simple flat words ..'when dogs are that much concerned about thereself ..why cant we give some time to ourself , " kutta bhee to doosre kutte ke baithne ki jagah theek nahin karta " . Can you give me even a single good reason why i should be worried about someone dying due to starvation , you can ask jha and jain i am having more food than ever before , or you can check my waist , so as long as i am getting food , i dont care about the rest of the world and thats what we human do, those who finding my words strange and selfish ...can ask a simple question to themselves ..what matters most to them , ... just fun and facility .... if you think the same , we are on our highway to heaven , we gonaa get every thing that we desired for ourself in this life ... no i just dont feel shame in my eyes when i saw a 3 year old begging at howrah station with a infant with her , and there is another girl ..what will you do if your icecream fall down on the floor of an indian railways sleeper coach , and what she did ...ridiculus she just pick it up and yes you are rigth she ate it .....see i am talking about social issues and i am touched isn't that enough .... so why cant we just have fun while we are watching movie and having out dinner at ruby's tuesday ...yehhhh together we can and we will , so there is a resolution " now onwards i'll watch movies just for fun , and even if they try to say smthign heavy we just ignore it as long as it dont involved us " .... so ccheers for our happy and successful career and future ...
have fun .......

Thursday, August 25, 2005

"main ruk nahin sakta"

koi chaahe kuchh bhee kahe maine soch liya thaa ki mujhe life mein kuch karke hi dikhana hoga... aur yeh chaahat hi bani karan har cheej kaa...jaane kahan se woh achanak ek din humari zindagi mein aa gaya ...aur bina jyaada ho halle ke woh hum mein se ek ban chuka thaa ...sahyad ise hi bhagya kehte hai jiska likha naa koi jaan paaya hai naa jan paayega ..kitne khush the hum sabhee aisa lag raha thaa zinagi ki ghadi keval basant pe aake ruk gayee hai charo taraf keval phool hi phool khile huye hain mausam kabhee itna khushgavar naa thaa humne saath hi apna pehla show bhee kiya uske aane se pehle hum laakh koshisho ke bad bhee kuchh kar nahin paa rahe the aur uske aate hi sab ekdum se badal gaya har patta usi ke charo taraf ghumne laga , hum log neev rakh chuke the "pratayansha" kee . ek ke baad ek aisa lag raha thaa jaise bus ab taare hi rah gaye hain chhune ke liye ...lekin taare itne pass nahin unko chhuna bhee aasan nahin ..aur sapne woh to jaise apne hote hi nahin kabhee nahin ..ek jhatke mein sab bikhar gaya indian idol ki aandhi hamare chhote se group ko ek hi jhatke mein apne saath baha le gayee , woh jaise hamre beech aaya tha usse bhee shant tarike se woh nikal gaya ... ... aaj woh ek bada singer banne wala thaa har kisi ko juban par bus ek hi naam thaa "ravi kumar" uski pehli hi album itni badi hit huyee ki bhartiya music industry ka saara itihaas hi badal gaya ..yehi sapna humne bhee dekha thaa lekin 'pratyansha' ke saath par woh , woh sab kuchh paa rahaa thaa jo humne socha thaa ....l' pagal hi nahin karte pyar' sab gunguna rahe the ...lekin kamee thee to bus 'pratyansha' ki ..kahin door gumnaami ke andhere mein hum charo abhee bhee pratyansha kp jeevit rakhne ki kosish mein lage the lekin suraj ko yeh manjoor naa thaa usne IBM join kar li , mayank bhee jyaada din nahin ruk saka aur apne gaaon chala gaya ...rah gaye to bus main aur sanjeev . lekin bhagwan hain , aur humein pehchan mili ravi ke dosto ke roop mein , jaise hi logo ko pata chala hum ravi ke saath the unhe 'woh baithee munder pe ' tak achchha lagne laga ... kuchh naye ladko ke saath humne apna safar phir shuru kiya ....ek pehchan ke saath " singer ravi kumar ke dost " ravi ne humein movies mein bhee kaam dilaya .... pehchan ki gaadi humein apne saath mumbai le gayee yaha borivali mein maine aur sanjeev ne ek flat le liya aur ek car bhee , kuchh dino mein sanjeev ki shaadi ek baar phir hum sub ko ek saath le aayi ek hi pandaal ke neeche , humne milkar bahut dino baad .. " yeh zindagi in raat ki galiyo mein " bhee saath gaya .. sab kuchh kitna haseen lag raha thaa ...jaise phir wahi basant laut aaya ho ..ravi ka jaadu sabhee ke sir chadh ke bola ...sanjeev ki shadi ..hum sabhee ke liye sirf naye bhabhee nahin "ravi's-ranch" bhee leke aayee ...aur dekhte hi dekhte teen suprhit albums , har music channel pe sirf ek hi naam thaa ravi's-ranch MTV award ki party mein mayank aur suraj bhee aaye , hum sabhee chahte the ki woh bhee "ravi's-ranch" ko join karein lekin ravi koi risk nahin lena chahta thaa ...aur phir hona kya thaa woh dono wapis laut gaye lekin ,shayad ravi's-ranch ke liye yahi sahi bhee tha lekin "pratayansha" ke liye nahin ...woh mara hua jinn phir botal se bahar aa gaya aur main mayank aur suraj ko lekar phir nikal pada pratyansha ki khoj mein ...hum phir se yaad kar sakte the woh dilli ke dhakke lekin tab sanjeev bhee thaa ...lekin in gujre huye saalo ne hum sub mein kuchh atirikt daal diya thaa aur humein iska poorn aabhaas thaa ....isi beech ravi's-ranck ka ek aur superhit album aa gayaa ... par is baar cover par sanjeev ki photo dekh humein kuchh samajh mein nahin aaya khair humein apne struggle ke duar mein ek aur high profile party mein jaane ka bhee mauka mila ..humne prataynsha ke liye jaan laga di , lekin har kisi ne sirf yahi poochha ..ravis-ranch vaapis kub join kar raheho ...kya jawab deta mein ..pata nahin .. poore do saal ...teen albums .. aur koi response nahin, koi major distributor nahin ...phir wahi tootan wahi ghutan saamne baahein failaaye khadi thee ...aur maine bhee daman thaam liya thaa is haar kaa ..meri jeevan sangini ban chuki thee yeh haar lekin ...nahin marne diya to bus "pratyansha" ko aankhon mein safalta ki aasha liye suraj ne is duniya ko alvida kah diya ...log kahte hai drugs over dose thee ... main aur mayank vaapis laut gaye ravi's-ranch mein , mayank ko bhee aankhir pata chal hi gaya safata kya hoti hai 15 saalo mein pehla hit album , ....kyun hota hai yeh har baar , aankhir kya jaadu hai isme , kahan kami rah gayee meri saadhna mein , kyun har baar muje sahara lena padta hai aankhir kyun ..kaise bhool saktaa hoon mein woh din 12 april 2014 ..."sunhari yaadein " ki release party ... har koi is nayee hone wali hit ki khushi mein saari duniya se sharab khatam karne pe tula hua thaa ...mayak shayad pehli baar itne saare logo ko autograh de raaha thaa ...sanjeev ki aankhon mein ek ajeeb si santushti thee .... aur phir ravi ne yeh album dedicate kar di suraj ko .. laga jaise hum sabhee phir saath aa gaye hai ... mujhe kitne saaf yaad hain woh shabd ..."hum paanch dosto ne zindagi ka safar ek saath shuru kiya ..pratyansha ke saath" pratyansha sunye hi main vaapis kho chuka thaa usi purane ateet mein sabhee achanak mujhe dekh hasne lage ...mujhe beech mein gira kai logo ne mere upar thuka , to kuchh failure failure chillane lage ...main unhe har woh hit gaana baat raha thaa jo ravis-ranch ka superhit thaa lekin woh log nahin ruke aur main jaa pahuncha stage pe , pata nahin kahanse mere haath mein mike aa gaya ..charo taraf dhol bajne lage , saamne pade guiotar aage badh khud hi taaro se khele lage ... shabd mere hoonton ko chhodne ko betab ho uthe main nahin jaanta thaa main kya kar raha hoon ...mere hothon ke hilne se kuchh shabd bahar aa rahe the ''''
"kaash jeevan swapan hota ,,
yaa mera swapan jeevan hota ,
kuchh nahin to jeevan sach hota,
...tabhee paat nahin kahan se mere kaam ruk gaye ek surili arthpurn aawaz par "jeevan ko khel naa samajhna , yeh jeevan to bus chalta jaata hai...."
ravi hi ki aawaz thee woh , aur tabhee wahan khade har aadmi ne ravi ke saath gaana shuru kar diya lights man smajhdar thaa ... main apme andhero main laut chuka thaa , lekin woh din kuchh alag thaa , kamre ki deeware mujhe dhakka dene lagi , aur pata nahin kub maine paas rakhe doosre mike ka ek aur prayog dhoondh nikaala , wahan charo taraf sirf khoon thaa aur main us talab ke bilkul beech mein khada thaa ... ek dum vichar shoonya ....mere hoonth ek baar phir hile ....kaash jeevan swapan hota ...
...yaa mera swapan jeevan hota ...
kuchh nahin to jeevan sach hota ...
par kuchh to hota jispar vishwas kar sakta ......
mujhe rokne waala koi nahin thaa... main shayad ab duniyaa mian sabse aage aa chuka thaa mujhse aage koi naa thaa ....
ravis-ranch ki aankhiri yaad "sunhari yaadein" aaj bhee sabse badi hit maani jaati hai..

aaj mere saath wale cell mein naya qaidi aaya hai ..usne aate hi mayank.sanjeev ki "ravi ki yaadein --vol 5 " laga diya sab ekdum se taaja ho gaya ...lekin yahab jail mein maine apna saamy bekar nahin kiya hai ...yahan hum paanch logo ne " pratyansha " ko naya jeevan dene ki koshish ki hai bahar nikalte hi hum " jeevan kaa safar release karenge" ..

maana taare bahut door sahi ,
lekin mujhe bhee hai yakin,
ek din paa hi lunga main ,
woh sab jo socha thaa.

deepak verma

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

“What went wrong …?”

He was looking for the reasons, but there is no one who can console him, I doubt if anyone can be able to understand the pain, the feelings he is going through , why he is so weird , why cant he live like us , we the normal human being , he is crazy , baby , crazy , and we? Who we are, infect what we are, ok you are saying there is a clear line between crazy and us, and we the people are surely not crazy at all , I can guarantee you about myself I am totally sane , saner than the sanest that’s the reason why I am writing this wonderful piece of art , only intellectuals do this king of stuff , surely I am neither you nor crazy I am intellectual , I am the one who discuss about everything , I have a thousands of opinions , I am the one who can change this world , but I am not the one , because we intellectuals don’t change this world , we love to talk just talk , we love to show our love , all we care about is that everyone know how much we care, we do all of it because we are intellectual …indeed . Ok let’s come back to you the normal Indians... Sometimes crowned with the tag of “the great Indian middle class”... … … ….. if there is anyone normal that’s we , because we know what is necessary for our life , we are too busy in gathering the food , clothes and shelter and sometimes AC and OPTRA , we know why he is sad , and we also know why he is mad , he is useless as useless as those intellectuals , they don’t know what the real problem is , they don’t know the anything about heart and soul , they are just abnormal , we know that only great man can build a great nation , but here everything is a mess , there is no light in the city from last 5 days , roads are full with potholes , street light already became part of the history .. This whole system is dead, or I should say deadlier than the deadliest….

….am I the only one staring at the sun …there are great philosophers thousand of activists and socialists there is this great Indian Diaspora... still I want the answer ..This has been an unanswered question since too long …

“What went wrong?”

The-end …

As I already said we intellectual do not have the answer …. Do you? It’s been the most shameful day of my life I am not even able to give answer to this CRAZY.. Don’t know what he wants… What he is up to …strange isn’t it…..

“From emptiness”

Some times empty ness can give us something full with fullness and its one of the better things happened to me in this life … when I was a child … no I don’t remember any fever .. but it was surely something which has a great impact on my life , I was a dreamer ,no I am a dreamer ,.. a big time dreamer , one who likes this virtual world more than any real phenomena . so you want to judge me … am I a freak … or am I a psycho .. no I am just a dreamer .. and in my fairy world monster are a valid point , every thing is not white or black there is a lot of grey in my world , I wish I could show you my world … there is a journey from fantasy to tragedy … why this reality is so cruel why it cant be as sweet as dreams … they are indeed not the sweetest thing , but they are sweet and I am happy with the amount of sweetness presents …where the hell I am heading , why there is such imbalance , disorder seems to most ordered functionality is my this pretty real world … I want to do a lots of things but my ultimate desire is just the word ‘WANT’ I want to have this feeling of want , seems like an endless limitless , un-measurable , journey ….when will it comes to a halt.